Meat bags and Beef sticks.

Hey there peeps…. happy halloween!  Let’s get down to business, shall we?  Get to the real “beef” of the situation.  Because both of the words mentioned in the title of this post are equally hilarious,  I decided it was important to discuss their appropriate use (which is always by the way).   However, there are those very distinct occasions in which the use of these words are imperative.  Let’s begin.

1.  First, I would like to dedicate this lovely blog post to my dearest hubby.  The only man on God’s green earth who can make me smile and giddy with anticipation when I read this:

message to hbee

“beef stick” fury.  just hilarious.  ::heart flutters::

2.  Occasions in which I feel the word “meat bag” is imperative to relay my sentiment in attending.  For instance, your baby shower, your wedding, or your bridal shower.  NO ONE wants to watch you open a relish dish from your Auntie Denise, then round out the torture discussing it’s generic fucking qualities for ten soul crushing minutes. no one.  The following picture sums it up:

shower

That’s right, some random dude’s meat bag slapped across my face.  For instance, this guy pictured below.  I’d rather stare down his salty meat bag as he lashes his gnarly pubes across my chin.  That’s my level of hate.

fat-ugly-man

Hell, I’d wear his banana hammock as a hat, if I were given the choice.   I should caveat that: if you would like to invite me to your wedding and plan to have an open bar… I’m  down, otherwise I just saved you a stamp.  You’re welcome.

3.  A few things emerged this week on Facebook.  Items/topics of discussion that are “trending”.   Trending, pffffffffftttt… don’t make me trend my foot in your ass.

::ahem::  First is the giraffe thing.  What is this brain fever you ask?  You share a riddle with your Facebook friend, if they DON’T guess they have to turn their profile picture into a giraffe for three days.  Or some dumb ass shit like that.   So I made my own riddle.  Here is yet another example in which the use of the word “meat bag”  is appropriate:

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 9.19.29 AM

Also, fuck giraffes.  there I said it.

4.   Also a hot topic is this woman, in North Dakota, who plans to hand out ‘fat letters’ instead of candy tonight -Halloween- for huskier brand of trick or treaters.  There are several things I could say about this woman.  First and foremost, she sucks meat bag!

Secondly, everyone should knock on her door tonight and frisbee toss a scale toward her face.  Not some ordinary every day scale… oh no,  we need one of those old fashioned scales you weigh yourself on at the amusement parks.

Like the:  “how much do you weigh on the moon type scale”.   One that is sure to leave a healthy dent.   Also, no beefstick for her.  That’s her penance for being a total douche.

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 8.54.18 AM

5.   Speaking of Halloween.  Here’s tonight’s forecast for New Hampshire.  Mother nature needs a flacid beefstick across the face.  asshole. nature can be an asshole. that is all.

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 8.53.13 AM

6.  Game requests for Candy Crush,  Dragon City, Farmville or the like…. sometimes when you receive these game requests, the use of the both the words beefstick AND meat bag are necessary.  This is only to impart your grievous dissatisfaction with their attempting to diminish your brain function… also good for a laugh (and the opportunity to use the word, ball pein hammer):

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 9.30.54 AM

7.   So I’m not a sport’s fan.  But I hear last night The Sox won the world series… so that’s great.  It’s nice for the home team to win, but as we all know this doesn’t come without the onslaught of assholes.  Car tipping etc…   Then we see comments like this from cowardly chodes on social media:

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 11.17.16 AM

We planned the bombing? Really? I bet Austin Michael doesn’t have a beefstick… he has a chode.  A tiny two-inch cheese wheel chode.  dick.

8.  Sobriety, sometimes it sucks the meatbag.  Like for instance, at your wedding, baby or bridal shower.  And that’s a wrap.

photo-1

9.  Completely unrelated, but please enjoy this video.  I’ve now watched at least ten times. welcome to my world of mental dysfunction:

10. oh and happy halloween, creeps.

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9 Responses to Meat bags and Beef sticks.

  1. Again thanks for the laugh. And really……..crash a jet knto Fenway. Ass bags.I will share as always B. Rock kn and Happy Halloween to u Nd your family xoxo

  2. Mike says:

    Brilliant. And I am answering the door to the little snot-fucks tonight dressed as a giant MEAT STICK. Fuck them. Little fuckers.”Hey…I’ll give you a snickers bar if I can tea bag your hot mom….whaddya say fuck face???”

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