A.D.D., my ass.

Hey people.. What up?

So a couple weeks back, I took my son, Cob, to see a neurologist to have him evaluated for A.D.D. per the adamant request of my son’s teacher and the school principal (a sister).  I knew this was more of a maturity issue rather than a learning disability.  However, despite my position, both of these women insisted Cob be placed on medication for his “inattention/hyperactivity”.  I told them my position against medicating a child, but they persisted;  insisting on the ‘positives’ on medicating a child.

I mean no offense to those of you who do such, but I am strongly opposed.  We are all entitled to do as we wish with our own…::ahem::

Although, my mind does search for biblical scripture (being this is a Catholic school my son attends), which would strongly advocate medicating small children? I’m at a loss… Apparently I was absent during CCD when they read the following passage:

“And Moses appeared from the behind the burning bush with a satchel of Adderall, and said, ‘Come fourth young brethen who be a raging pain in the backside.  I shall medicate thee,  so thou shall not be smite with the plagues of a thousand whores. Don’t make me go all Abraham on your punk ass.  It didn’t end well for Isaac, kids.'”

Nope, missed that one.   Anyway, the doctor’s appointment, I took him just to shut these women up.  I was not convinced that my child had ADD, nor was I willing to medicate him  under ANY circumstances.  But I took him… here’s how that went:

The doctor comes in, and asks Jacob a series of questions.  He responds clearly and reasonably, and with little to no hesitation.  It was really me that was the problem.  The doctor had to ask me some questions as well…

He handed me a questionnaire and left the room giving me time to answer them in regards to Cob and his behavior.  Cob begins to mock our visit with the following quips, as he spins in his chair:

“I’m sorry to inform you Jacob, but you are mentally retarded.”  -i respond with uproarious inappropriate laughter. we both laugh till our faces turn red-


“Jacob, do your balls itch at night?”  -more laughter-

The entire ritual was laughable, since we both know there is no disability.  The child is sharp, cool and funny.  The doctor re-enters the room staring (mostly at me), since he undoubtedly heard our hysterical fits of laughter. The doctor then asks me, during a random series of questions:

“Does he often stare off into space for extended periods of time?”

I’m not entirely certain why this question struck me as funny… but I laughed, I tried to stop…impossible.  The doc just stared some more.  It was just ridiculous.  I think I was still reeling from the ‘balls’ chat with Cob.

To sum it up, the doctor does not believe Cob has A.D.D. as he does not present with the typical symptoms, also he is an A, B student.  Academically and socially Cob is doing just fine.  Only I’m surprised the doctor didn’t say:

“Jacob, you’re fine, but your mother is mentally disturbed, I’d like to medicate her.  Do I have your permission?”

True Story.   To follow up,  I sent the following email to both the women who insisted I have him evaluated and medicate him with mind altering drugs.  Cob is a bright child, he’s just lazy.  A real little lazy dink sometimes… but give that boy a video game and he’s got it beat in less than 12 hours.

We can all be lazy, and he excels at a game I call: “Grab ass”.   This game may be enjoyed by all,  it’s easy… You merely do everything other than what you are SUPPOSED to be doing.  There, now you have a name for that thing you do… Some people call it “procrastination”,  I call it grab ass.  We all play  a little grab ass.

So here’s the email I sent to these two women. I think I relayed the sentiment.  Enjoy…

email screen shot 1

Screen Shot 2 email

And then the picture I attached for them to enjoy.  I’ve yet to hear a response.  Meh – it’s early. :


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19 Responses to A.D.D., my ass.

  1. Mike says:

    This is absolutely fucking gut-busting hilarious. I mean it. This is killing me….

  2. Mike says:

    Those kooky catholics…i can’t keep up with their hypocrisy…..get that boy into public school asap….

  3. Ricco says:

    You are my hero. May my sister struggle for eternity to get into a bikini for keeping us apart for so long. This situation reminds me of when for four-years, I had to convince a Master’s Degree holding speech pathologist that my son did not learn English as a second language. This after I had repeatedly told her that I had my son as an infant and even though he was of Hispanic descent, he had never spoken Spanish. After receiving an IEP meeting invitation that was riddled with grammar and spelling errors, and having smacked down the school administrator when I questioned if a circus monkey had written the invitation, did the school back off. I adore teachers, have a best friend that teaches English and taught all three of my sons…but, some of these wackadoodles need to be selling cotton candy at the fair and not teaching our children…

    • bnicolace says:

      That’s just beyond idiotic… thus far I have had pretty good luck with my eldest son and his IEP teams. Thus far only a handful of casualties lie in my wake. And yes, may Renee struggle with the most epic of “toothpaste” pants, as I call them. hehe

  4. Fuck my Life BBaaahhhaaaaaa A toddler with a 4 hr erection and explosive diarrhea. Dear God!!!!! On the other hand I am EXACTLY the same as you . If we were willing our kids would all be medicated. Try parenting and teaching as you said. I wonder if the nun’s were mortified or got girl woody’s reading your naughty e-mail. Awesome as always

  5. Kristen K. says:

    Love you, Bridge.
    This is GENIUS.

  6. Kate Y says:

    This is awesome. I can just imagine the nuns reading that when I was growing up, or the ones at the Pre-K my son attended. I love that. Good for you. And your son sounds hilarious!

    • bnicolace says:

      thank you, he is hilarious. he’s just like mom. i wish i could have seen their faces. I’ve yet to receive a reply, but that’s OK. I’m OK with no reply, just as I’m certain they are OK with continually receiving an annual check to educate my child 🙂

    • Mike says:

      I love the hypocrisy of the catholic religion. Nuns giving advice on sex, medicine, marriage and raising kids. Listening to any member of the clergy on such matters is like asking me for advice on relationships. It just doesn’t make any logical sense at all….

  7. bnicolace says:

    Ok, you’re entitled to your opinion 🙂

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